Survivor
by Evanesce
Summary: Survivor, Phantom-style. And you know what that means - Rabid Phans, random challenges, and shifting alliances. And don't forget the mysterious falling coconuts... Finally being reworked and updated after 4 years!
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first redone chapter of the redux of this story. I started it several years ago, and I've finally decided to dust it off and rework it a little bit. I hope that you enjoy it! Leave reviews with suggestions and questions, complaints and random musings. **

Erik awoke groggily. He moved his hand to rub his eyes to find that it was wet…and sandy. He jumped up quickly.

_Where am I?_ he thought.

Then he noticed. The ground was moving. The wood-paneled ground. That he was standing on in pink flip-flops.  
_Oh please no_, he thought_, I'm at the fop's spa._

His gaze slowly moved up. He appeared to be wearing a black Speedo. And some sort of water-proof cape. His mask felt like it was made out of a coconut shell. He took it off.

It was.

Erik focused his gaze in front of him. He saw people. Many people. Most of them appeared to female.

They were wearing bikinis.

And they were staring at him.

Suddenly some strange chanting music came out of nowhere: _Hoya hoy hoy hoya-ha-ha-ya-ha-ha-ya hoy hoy hoy hoya-hoya-hoy-a-hoy…_

A strange man walked in between Erik and the other people. He opened his mouth to speak.

"Welcome…to Survivor."

Erik screamed, and fainted. Then the music started again: _Hoya hoy hoy hoya-ha-ha-ya-ha-ha-ya hoy hoy hoy hoya-hoya-hoy-a-hoy…_

The music reached some dramatic height, and some words flashed: **Survivor: - Islands**. The name of whatever Islands they happened to be was blocked out be the sunlight. Then the music ended and the strange man dumped a bucket of water over Erik.

Erik woke again, but this time he wasn't groggy. He jumped to his feet, his water-proof cape not as water-proof as he hoped.

The strange man glanced at him, and then began to speak. "Hello, I am your host Jeff Probst. I welcome all of you twenty-eight castaways to Survivor: (_hiccup_) Islands. This season all of you will be divided into four teams: Kappe, Tau, Deroos, and Hol. I have, in this bag, four types of buffs, colored black, white, red, and gold. When I call your name, come up and randomly pull a buff from the bag. Are there any questions?"

A short blond girl that Erik recognized as Meg Giry raised her hand. Jeff ignored her.

"No questions? Good. Now-"

Meg was now bouncing up and down with her hand up.

"-will Erik-"

Meg was now jumping up and down so hard, her bikini was in danger of falling off.

Jeff looked at her. "Yes?"

"Where's the bathroom?"

"Over there." Jeff pointed to somewhere over the ship's railing.

"Ok, thanks." Meg ran off, followed by a little splash.

"Now where were we…Ahh, yes. Will Erik please come up?"

Erik walked up. He stuck his hand in the bag and pulled out a black buff. Erik couldn't figure it out. It was too big for mask, but too small for a cape. But it was bigger than his Speedo. He stepped into it, forming a rather fashionable skirt. He didn't hear the disappointed moans coming from the group of girls.

"Congratulations Erik! You are on the Kappe tribe. Next we have Mr. Holmes."

As the tall man stepped forward and received a white buff, Raoul leaned over to Erik and whispered: "He doesn't even go here."

Erik ignored him, and adjusted his mask. Coconut husk was not a particularly comfortable clothing material.

The buff selection continued, and Erik became very uneasy as his team became filled with drooling, staring, and maniacally giggling phangirls. He crossed his fingers as he glanced sideways at Christine, hoping that she would draw a black buff out of the bag when her name was called.

Soon only Christine, Raoul, and a girl with a mask tattooed onto her face were the only ones without buffs.

The girl drew a red buff from the bag. Erik began to bounce up and down, fingers and toes crossed. Meg looked at him across the deck of the boat and mouthed, _Bathroom's over there_, with a flick of her hair towards the ocean.

Christine stepped up. Erik almost stopped breathing. She was so beautiful, even in a silly polka dot bikini. If they were on the same team, he would weave her a beautiful dress from palm fronds. And he would make a veil from fishing net and seaweed. It would go so beautifully with her new gold buff.

Erik looked down. His new fashion accessory was black, not gold. Which meant Christine would not be on his team. And that the last spot in his tribe would be filled by the last available person.

The resplendent Vicomte de Chagny.

For the second time that morning, Erik fainted.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning was quiet. Too quiet. The birds didn't dare to sing, instead keeping wary eyes on the four camps that had appeared on different corners of their island overnight. All of the strange humans that had arrived were asleep after their ten-mile canoe trip, but as the sun peeked over the waves, the peace was destined to soon dissipate.

**Day 2 – Kappe Tribe Camp**

The tide crept up inch by inch, tickling the toes of a man who lay snoring on the sand. He pulled his knees up to his chest in a fetal position. A family of crabs ran over his ankles, and his eyelids fluttered. Stretching, he rubbed his eyes. And then –

"WHERE'S MY MASK?"

Erik jumped up, frantic. He looked at the sand, but there was no scratchy half-a-coconut-shell anywhere. Which meant he had nothing to protect his face. Which meant:

"SUNBURN!"

As Erik began randomly running and screaming around camp, hand pressed to the right side of his face, the other members of his tribe began to move around. One of the phangirls already sat at the base of a tree, carving a piece of driftwood to look like a miniature man. A few remained conked out, covered in palm leaves and clutching unhappy seagulls to their chests like teddy bears.

And two girls sat with Raoul as he fashioned a bikini top out of coconut shells.

**Tau Tribe Camp**

_Zzzz…snore…Zzzz…hack-cough…snore…splutter…Zzzz_

**Deroos Tribe Camp**

A young man named Gerry huddled in a ball in a little lean-to, flinching every time a phangirl poked him.

"For the last time," he said with a decidedly Scottish accent, "my name is Gerry Bootler. Leave me alone!"

"But you look like him," said one of the girls as she stroked his hair.

"And you sound like him," said another girl as she stroked his back.

"Please sing for me," said another. He fell over in an attempt to avoid her stroking hand, leaving him defenseless, and the girls pounced on him.

Meg Giry watched as the lean-to collapsed on all of them, and then she continued twirl and hum to herself.

**Hol Tribe Camp**

Christine sat on the beach, attention on the only male member of her tribe. He was hanging upside down from palm tree.

By his toes.

"You look very pale," she called up to him. "Are you feeling unwell?"

"You're one to talk."

Christine frowned. There was no reason for him to be unfriendly. "Would you like me to go get you some water?"

"I don't drink…water."

"Coconut milk, then?"

The strange man looked around. "Do you promise you won't tell my wives?"

Christine smiled at him. "Of course! I'm very trustworthy…and trusting. Mostly trusting, though."

The man smiled a strange sharp smile. "Oh, lovely."

**Tau Tribe Camp**

_Cough…hack…splutter…gargle…_

"Where-a is-a mia doggie?"

"Is it over here…oh, wait… Tree mail, everybody!"

The birds observed as all four camps sprang into flurries of activity. In one camp, the humans seemed to be fighting over a tiny piece of paper, which was quickly torn to pieces. In another, a naked man dashed into the ocean and began to paddle away, pursued by a gaggle of girls while a girl with glinting gold hair made sand angels on the beach. And most interestingly, a man wrapped completely in palm fronds seemed to be cutting his tribe flag into an article of clothing.

Altogether, it was chaos.


End file.
